Issues to Consider When Beginning a Long Distance Relationship

Long distance dating relationships and long distance marriages are increasingly common. However, physical distance poses certain risks to these relationships. In my more than thirty years of experience as a psychotherapist, I've concluded that these risks vary in quality and meaning depending on the stage of the relationship.

Among dating couples, the greatest risk posed by physical distance is the honeymoon quality that characterizes their periods of togetherness. These relationships are frequently passionate and intense due to the constant cycle of separation and reunion. The limited exposure to one another often results in the partners having an idealized experience of on another, i.e. they see each other when they're at their best.

In my experience, the greatest risk associated with long distance dating is that a couple will decide to marry during the honeymoon phase. When this happens, neither has sufficient knowledge of the other, because they haven't experienced one another across a spectrum of life experiences.

When long distance daters get engaged, one partner usually relocates to the same city as the other. This often sets off a period of adjustment because they have greater exposure to on another. The honeymoon phase usually gives way to a more realistic phase. If the partners decide to move in together, their involvement with each other is amplified. Certain issues need to be addressed including: division of household responsibilities, detailed discussions and decisions about finances, the development of a shared social life, and perhaps greater involvement with or separation from one or both partner's family of origin.

A couple's ability to problem-solve together usually becomes more apparent during this more realistic stage of the relationship. If they experience difficulties, one of three responses tends to prevail: they seek premarital counseling, they continue with plans to marry despite the problems, or the relationship dissolves. In my experience, many premarital couples move forward with plans to marry despite the fact that they are experiencing significant problems. The greatest risk among couples who move from long distance dating to getting engaged is that the excitement about their marriage plans take precedence over learning how to successfully negotiate the problems they encounter in this realistic stage of the relationship.

Long distance marriages typically occur after a couple has lived together for some period of time. The separation is usually due to one partner's career. Physical distance places several unique stresses on a marriage. First of all, the bulk of household and child care responsibilities fall to one partner. This partner may grow resentful or envy the freedom and seeming glamour of the commuting partner's life. They may also feel insecure if their partner is going to be working closely with members of the opposite sex.

Spouses in long distance marriages often feel lonely, especially because they've grown accustomed to living together. While the lure of sexual novelty is no different for married couples living apart than it is for those living together, physical distance may make these marriages more susceptible to infidelity. The distance makes it easier to hide an affair. There may also be a greater likelihood of one partner falling in love since it's virtually impossible to sustain emotional intimacy in a relationship during extended periods of absence.

In order for long distance romantic relationships of any kind to work, a couple needs to communicate with one another frequently and make plans to see each other regularly. The more frequent the visits and the longer the time they spend with each other - the better. Also, prior to marriage, a couple should plan to live in the same city if at all possible. Most importantly, they need to move from the honeymoon phase into the realistic phase of relationship and be sure they are able to successfully navigate the real life problems that emerge during this stage.

For married couples who live apart - the same holds true. Frequent contact by phone and in person is essential to keeping a marriage alive. It is the day-in, day-out quality of marriage that leads to emotional depth and intimacy. While absence can make the heart grow fonder, it can also result in indifference.

Copyright, Johanna Nauraine, 2010.

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Things to Consider Before Agreeing to Take Part in a Long Distance Relationship

There are certain things that we have to accept losing when we move. Being able to eat at your favorite restaurant or meeting friends at a local hangout may be missed but it will not affect your entire life. If you are in a good relationship however, you may not be ready to let it go just because you are moving away. Most people will tell you that a long distance relationship is nearly impossible to maintain. In most cases, this is true but it may be possible to maintain a long distance relationship as long as you are willing to work for it.

Depending on how long you have been in a relationship you may have a hard time getting your significant other to agree to being apart for so long. Older relationships are a lot easier to maintain over a long distance because you have already had a chance to build a bond, which makes it easier to come to a reasonable agreement with your partner. Newer relationships are harder to keep over a long distance because it may be easier to get to know someone else in person than a person that you barely see.

In order for a long distance relationship to work, both parties have to come to a reasonable agreement that works for everyone involved. You have to clearly state what you want out of your relationship in order to decide what action to take. This is where the advantage goes to newer couples. Since there are usually no attachments at the beginning of most relationships, it's easier to be flexible with what you want. Most people in this situation choose to have an open relationship during the time that they are apart. One of the biggest setbacks to these type of relationships is the fact the eventually someone will want to move on and abandon their distant partner. For older relationships, this is completely out of the question because knowing that your partner may be spending time another person is too much for some.

A great deal of understanding is required in a long distance relationship. If a couple is prone to petty arguments like what type of out of state movers to use or whether or not to use moving company insurance the relationship may not last too long. What may start as simple missed call can lead to feelings of abandonment and betrayal. The fact that you do not see each other regularly can bring about many conflicts. You should make time during every conversation to voice any issues that may put a wedge between you. This will make it easier to handle small misunderstandings.

When you get a chance to see your significant other you should avoid trying to make everything perfect and just enjoy your time together. Trying to plan the perfect weekend can put a lot of pressure on a relationship and can get in the way of the quality time you both need. As long as both parties are aware of each other's expectations during a long distance relationship, it is entirely possible to maintain a bond until you are reunited.

Long Distance Relationships Advice: How to Break the Distance

Are you scared that your long distance relationship might not work? Are you worried that his feelings might wane due to distance? Are you thinking of better ways to defy the distance?

Being in a long distance love affair is never easy for your main challenge is making the relationship survive amidst the difficulties that are entangled with this type of relationship. Opposite from the common relationships, long distance relationship demands more understanding, trust, faith, patience, love, effort, and sacrifices that will help you in conquering the numerous trials that will test the strength of your relationship.

Getting long distance relationships advice will give you a clearer vision of what journey you will be going into and will serve as your guide in dealing with the hardships gracefully.

The following are some helpful ways that you can apply to make your relationship work.

1. Be clear about the Relationship: A helpful long distance relationships advice that you should first consider is to know what kind of relationship you will be getting into before you make a final decision. Think of the consequences that you will have to deal with once you enter a long distance relationship and ask yourself if you are ready to take the path.

2. Maintain a Good Communication: A very significant long distance relationships advice that you should always keep in mind is that good communication is the best foundation of any relationship. It prevents doubts and negative thoughts from clouding your relationship.

3. Keep a Positive Outlook: Another long distance relationships advice that proves to be an effective weapon in bridging the distance that physically separates you from your special someone is by having a positive outlook on the relationship. When you begin a relationship with faith and confidence, your love will be able to surpass any hardship that will try to break your relationship.

4. Make Surprises: A good long distance relationships advice you can apply to make your relationship exciting is by making surprises for your special someone. Sending gifts, cards and even letters; (yes! even at this fast paced world receiving snail mail is still very touching.). Making an extra effort will strongly send a message of how you treasure and love your partner.

5. Trust your Partner: Being away from the person that you love can be very difficult especially if you do not know the people that he will be mingling with. However you have to trust your partner in order to avoid jealousy and unnecessary arguments that can deeply damage your relationship. Being suspicious of your partner's actions and decisions can push your partner away from you rather than bring you closer. It is best to trust each other so that both of you will have peace of mind and can think of a bright future for your relationship. This long distance relationships advice can aid you in building a strong relationship.

A happy and strong relationship will demand a lot from you and might sometimes get rough, but always keep in mind that things will get better as long as you believe and trust in each other's love.

Want to learn more? Go to: 77 Secrets of Love and learn how to make him fall in love with you hopelessly.

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This article is contributed by Tina Jones from the Unforgettable Woman Publishing Team. She works together with founder Alexandra Fox and writes dating/relationship articles for women. You can find more about Unforgettable Woman Publishing by visiting their website.

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